Last Memorial Day weekend was chaotic. I was putting on a conference in my small town for the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, a commitment which meant my husband and son needed to go the basketball tournament in Reno alone. Meanwhile, my dad was busy dying in his last days of cancer and the whole scene just felt a bit less than restful…bordering on unmanageable.

This Memorial weekend, I had one focus: staycation. Movies, hot tub, walks. And my favorite: sleep in until at least 9:00. Yeah, we’re overachievers.

It’s not like there weren’t things we wanted to do or nobody threw out an invitation of any kind. My cousin, Sharon, had a book launch at a really sweet art loft in Santa Monica for her new book Donny and Ursula (available on Amazon and running in the top 100!) that we really wanted to be at, both to support her and to take the onsite belly dancing class. My Aunt Dale turned 75 further down the coast in Imperial Beach and all my cousins would be gathering to surprise her. I also would have loved to be at that. But we live 550 (750 for the IB part) miles away from all that and we are tired of that trek.

The thing is, every weekend (day even) is like this. So full of choices and we want to do them all. For me, two of my core values (live life fully, and keep all things in balance) often  conflict. How to solve the conundrum of over planning?

Rest needs to be calendered. It needs to make its sweet little way onto the color-coded, dry erase calendar that lives on the garage door so you don’t miss it on your way out. (What–you don’t have one of those?) We live in a society that doesn’t value sitting still. It’s all about “where are you going?” and “what are you doing” not about “how much of nothing  are you going to do?” I’m good at the first two, but I’m a novice at the third. Then, there’s the kid factor.

I was off to a really good start Friday and Saturday. We only had two extra kids over on Friday, and only one extra on Saturday. When Sunday came, though, they started multiplying. My super social teenager wanted to know why four of them couldn’t stay. (“We’ll cook for ourselves, I swear. Top Ramen sandwiches,” he says.)

I was tired of making loads of peanut butter pancakes and waffles. I knew they wouldn’t make Top Ramen sandwiches. “No.”

“Can we get a hotel?” and countless other negotiations unfolded.

“Ummmm-no.”

And before I knew it, it was starting to get chaotic again. But nothing like last year. “Great idea. You can have four friends over–at somebody else’s house.” (Apologies to mom who I threw under the bus.) Now it’s quiet. I’m streaming Pandora “Spa.” Truth be told, I miss them all and their incessant demands.

Incremental changes, right? Baby steps.

The way I see it, by Memorial Day of 2020, I’ll have mastered this resting thing and you’ll find me on my couch all freakin’ weekend streaming season after season of “Nip/Tuck.” When you ask on Tuesday following “What did you do this weekend?” I’ll honestly be able to answer, “Absolutely nothing.”