I’m not usually a procrastinator, but this week I decided to act like one. I wasn’t sure why at the time, though it’s clear to me now. Still, I wanted to commit. If I’m going to choose to be a procrastinator, I thought, I’m going to do it passionately.
This passion taught me much. I know some of you out there may at times procrastinate, too, so I share with you many tips on how to maximize your procrastination skills so that you, too, may be a passionate procrastinator. (My particular project had to do with editing a manuscript from various editors’ comments, but you can apply these tips to almost any other project you might find yourself avoiding.)
- Write blog on procrastination tips
- Update Cozi calendar grocery list
- Reorganize said calendar’s main lists
- Clean phone contacts that were screwed up in last software update
- Clean ALL notifications off home screen, especially Words With Friends (for extra delay)
- Check Facebook Feed
- Facebook status on ideas for procrastinating steaming pile of edits
- Get good ideas from Lois, dear friend and fellow writing superstar whose debut middle grade novel Paper Wishes, out next year by Margaret Ferguson Books (imprint of Farrar, Straus & Giroux), is sure to be an award winner: call your mom, organize kid’s closet, meditative walk in the country, another cup of coffee, investigate the uses of coconut oil…
- Get good ideas from friend and writer Jennifer Uhles: Um start the american horror story series. If u take this advice I promise no editing…not to mention parenting or personal hygiene…will occur for days.
- And, noting a pattern that writers like to binge watch visual stories on TV, this one from Margaret Speaker Yuan: Binge watching Downton Abby listening to the rain on the roof.
- Choose exercise documentary to watch off GAIAM TV while on Cross trainer
- Crosstrain while watching documentary on what happens to you after you die (Spirit Space. Really good!)
- Join friend and blogging expert Nathan’s annual family Weight Challenge
- Read chapter on Emma Curtis Hopkins’ metaphysical perspective for new philosophy class starting next week
- Write supportive card for friend
- List all the TV shows I know (in my defense, technically research for said project)
- DO EDITS (fill in your project) for negotiated amount of time with butt in chair
- Check Facebook responses
- Celebrate accomplishment by floating in hot tub in rain
- calculate time it takes for drop to fall from above lattice to forehead
- calculate amount of time for Smart Water bottle to float in circle around hot tub with bubbles on
- calculate speed at which gray clouds meld into each other in the sky
- Call Mom (thanks, Lois)
- Add Almond Milk to Cozi grocery list since somebody used the last drop and did not add to list (eh hem)
- Make list of ideas for procrastination
- Add Moroccan Oil to Cozi list
- Make Specialty List entitled “Things to Buy When I Have Extra Cash”
- Add Moroccan Oil to Cozi list
- Start at channel one on TV guide and scan to 1,000 to check out shows while calling it research
- Clear all phone notifications
- Laundry! Why did it take so long to think about laundry!
- Scratch out Novel #3 outline (preferably on grody envelope for future speech when Novel becomes award-winning bestseller.
This is not an all-inclusive list, but it should get you started. Remember when I said I knew there was some reason I was doing this other than just pure insanity? Here it is. At the end of the day I received a note from my editor saying the stated word count was actually less than we had originally thought and needed to be cut. Now, had I done that work, I would have had to redo it, right? See that? Procrastination paying off right there.
The Universe is just one step ahead of me, thank God. And I may have just gotten it out of my system so that I may now become passionate about editing.