All my life I’ve been told I’m too sensitive. I’ve also been told I’m clairsentient, psychic, and an empath. When I walk in a room, I feel the emotions of each person. I can see what they are carrying internally and often what lights them up. I have always seen my role on this planet to lighten the heavy part by inspiring and highlighting the bliss part of human souls.
It took me many years (like 50) to be able to regulate this. It is important to regulate for both others and for me. For others, it becomes an ethical issue. Not everybody wants another person looking into their very personal emotions. For me, it becomes an issue of preservation as it’s exhausting to feel the gamut of emotions (pain, sorrow, joy, fear, anger) that people feel and feel a strong impulse to regulate that. It’s hard enough handling my own.
This is something I’ve never shared publicly. I’m a very spiritual (and not at all religious) person, but my relationship with the Source/God/Spirit is so magnificent and so ever present that I can’t really keep it to myself anymore. As I move into my third year of metaphysical studies, and at increasing depth through spiritual practitioner program this Fall, I have learned to modulate my sensitivity without using food, alcohol, or distraction to regulate my emotions…to start to look into my subconscious mind and unravel some of the not-so helpful programs that live there.
I’ve come to realize–and feel so much gratitude for–my emotional steering committee that helps me to experience life in the fullest and live out my purpose on this planet which is to lift up and inspire others. In order to do this best, I need to isolate in meditation, spiritual studies, and writing. I seek that balance with all the other life callings on a daily basis. Sometimes things (like a new puppy, for example) throw that balance out of whack and it is my responsibility to reclaim it.
In that reclaiming process, my husband and I were grateful to have a date night on Saturday. We have done that weekly for 17 years and when we miss a few, we really notice. When our friend offered to stay with Kai so we could do our regular movie and dinner, I felt elated and supported. (And, probably we didn’t really need to check in on him remotely through our phone video, but we did anyway.)
We went to see “Inside Out,” an animated film so cleverly crafted and told from the point of view of the emotions themselves. It also delved into memories and how they are affected by various emotions, how they are stored in long term, short term, and subconscious places, and how they all should be experienced in their right time.
It gave me an increased compassion and gratitude for my own set of emotions, and how each has such a vital role in keeping us moving forward, ever evolving. I spent some time just thanking them for giving me the sensitivity that, while it sometimes causes me great pain at times, allows me to help others in a way I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. And the flip side is that when I look at a rose in bloom, my heart opens in a moment of bliss that blocks out anything and everything else in the world as I take in the incredible sensations of that moment and this world of never-ending abundance and beauty.
That’s what I’m talking about. It. (Not a typo. Just something my youngest son used to say that makes me smile.)